I feel like a seaman!

Ok. So most of this goes back to a reference to a moment long long ago that actually only I and the person speaking were there for, but I have to do this cause this website is so freaking hilarious. At first I thought it was trying to be serious, but the more times I look at it the more times I realize it can't possibly be serious. What I'm talking about is scurvy. Yes, scurvy. Like the pirates. Like the disease that the seamen of old used to get during long voyages on the sea with only hardtack and saltwater to nourish them. Why am I talking about scurvy?? Ryan Miller.

So, most of you never got the chance to know the now nearly legendary Ryan Miller, but he was what I like to call the random quotes generator. Meaning, Ryan said some really hilariously random things. One of them being (during one of our LONG phone conversations which now that I'm in cartography I really should call him and apologize for.......briefly) about scurvy. Why would you be talking about scurvy??? I don't know. But Ryan was. And that's not too out of the ordinary. If someone else had told me that Ryan was talking about scurvy I wouldn't be at all surprised. Anyway. The part of the conversation that I remember is Ryan saying, "I wouldn't want to get scurvy. Not because I'm afraid of what it would do to me, but because I'm afraid my mom would find out."

Yeah. So. Scurvy (for those of you who don't know) is a deficiency in Vitamin C. The earliest symptoms are bleeding in the gums. And so...whenever I get any sort of persistent mouth sore (aka I have really really painful canker sores on the right side of my mouth that have been there for like 3 days now) I make jokes about coming down with scurvy. My roommate has been endlessly entertained as I consume as much Vitamin C as possible and then talk about how it still hurts and how I might die from scurvy. So......I do what I always do....I google searched scurvy. And thus, I need to share with you all, THIS WEBSITE. Read it. It will inform you all about the horrors and dangers of my condition. Feel my pain and bring me fruits!!!!!!!

Look! It's me!!!

And what's that there featured on the wall, you ask?? Why, it's a sock! But it's not just any sock, oh no. That sock was given to me by Jo--along with another sock!

"But Jess!" says you. "Where's the other sock?" Well, I don't really know, which is why this sock is on the wall and not on my foot. I hope to find it again someday when I finally come back home . . .

Friday...events...things

So.....before I make dinner for you on Saturday, you should come with me on Friday night.

Where you ask????? Mustard Plug. The Rathskellar.

Ok, so probably none of you are wankers and like ska, but Little Brian went through hell and back trying to get WUD to book this show (it got shot down something like 3 times before he sold them on it) on advice from me that it would be the most awesome thing that the punk/ska genre leader could do. Therefore, I am obligated to go. And company would be good. I'll take what small amount of funds I have and buy you a beer. Oh! And the opening band "Something to Do" is AWESOME (if you're a ska loving wanker). The lead singer lives on Blair street next to the formerly ugly gold house. His name is nate. They rock.

Also....don't let all my wanker talk discourage you from coming with me. It goes back to a text message conversation with Brian Hagen that occured while I was watching this very same "Something to Do" band.

Hey....wanker...bet you wish you could go.

So. Since my Hagen can't go.....who's coming with me. There will be dancing and horns!!!!!!

And for my first phone pic post . . .

. . . A perfect example of why my boss is an idiot.

This picture was hanging up in the bathroom of the butterfly facility (same place where he joked about raping butterflies to a high school girl). Note this picture is neither funny nor approriate in the workplace or anywhere for that matter.

What's worse is, it used to be hanging up in the main room. I think when his wife came in to decorate for the open house, she hid it in the bathroom because she happens to know better.

The man is clueless.

the happy birthday Leelah song

hehe... this is my very first audioblog post, and it's dedicated to the Panda. it's a little silly bcz it's like making a voice mail message, and I'm terrible with voice mail and answering machines, but well, there you have it. My first audioblog post.

LONG, I KNOW, BUT SO FUNNY IT HURTS

Reasons Chuck Norris Rules (in case you doubted it)

1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
2. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
3. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
4. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
5. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
6. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
7. Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't **** with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
8. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
9. Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
10. When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
11. Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the **** out of little kids.
12. Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity.", then you are dead wrong.
13. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".
14. Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her into a glacier.
15. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
16. In one episode of Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Chuck Norris replaced Carlton for one scene and nobody noticed.
17. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
18. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
19. Chuck Norris punched a woman in the vagina when she didn't give him exact change.
20. Chuck Norris has every copy of National Geographic in his basement. He also has the ability to lift every single one of them at once.
21. Chuck Norris ruins the endings of Harry Potter books for children who just bought one for the hell of it. When they start crying Chuck Norris calmly says, "I'll give you something to cry about," and roundhouse kicks them in the face.
22. Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan's wife.
23. Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.
24. Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs and **** on their floor, just because he's Chuck Norris.
25. At the end of each week, Chuck Norris murders a dozen white people just to prove he isn't a racist.
26. Chuck Norris doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the **** out of viruses. That's why Chuck Norris never gets ill.
27. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
28. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Don't plan anything

For those of you in Madison I'm having an Irish foods dinner party on Saturday the 3rd of December. At my house. Somehow. Which will be a logistical miracle to pull off. But I'm doing it. Also....New Years, my house, Sohma style. Details on that later. Also....formal dinner party invitations to come. I was gonna design them on Illustrator, but then it will have to wait until Sunday or Monday. So I think I'll just e-mail people.

Eat good food!!!

Sari

ok ok ok

New development in my plans:

I can't take all of December off. It sucks ass big time, but I guess you'll just have to chalk it up to another example of a Jess-ism--in this case, the far-fetched, impractical schemes that never seem to materialize. So here are my updated plans, and this time it oughtta stick:

1. Jess takes off for christmas somewhere between the 16th of december and the 3rd of January, hopefully before Dennis leaves for Montana.

2. Jess finally leaves her shitty job somewhere near the end of Janauary, because that would make it an even 2 years of me being here, and I'll be DAMNED if I'm gonna stay here longer than I originally agreed to.

3. Jess comes home in time to celebrate her birthday (Feb 4th-- how sweet it is it that my birthday falls on a SATURDAY?!), which she plans on being a HUGE COSTUME BALL to make up for missing halloween and to fulfill my goal of dressing up like Seras Victoria along side Steph's Integra. And, for anyone that's willing to dress up like Alucard, I promise to call you "master" all night long ;)

4. Jess gets a job in Madison, where she remains happily ever after--well, at least for a year.

So that's the plan. Doesn't mean we can't have a huge cosplay party for Christmas or New Years or anything . . . i mean, you know me and making plans . . .

Skype Me

Hey Guys,

A few months ago, I mention the voice ip application called Skype and it works great. If you guys want to make free calls anywhere in the world, Skype is your answer. Skype is just like AIM, but instead of typing you are talking. All you need is a microphone and speakers. If anybody wants to talk, my user name is sauce517. It would be great to hear from you guys.

for all of u who love Zach Braff as much as I do!

Okay first of all... 'Garden State' is one of my favorite movies... of course, the fact that it is abt my home state of NJ helps a bit too.... but another reason to love Zach Braff...

I don't know if u guys know this but his new movie, 'The Last Kiss' (not out yet, but done with filming) was directed by a UW-Madison alum AND produced by a UW-Madison alum... SO most of the filming was done at the Madison campus... i saw pictures of them at Bascom Hall and shooting on the terrace and langdon street... isn't that crazy?

did any of you guys see any filming, or know this was happening? judging from the pics, i'm assuming that filming happened in the summer... i think june was mentioned in some of the captions...

Move over Mandy Moore! It seems Zach was meant to be MY soulmate! If he ends up in Korea next, for one reason or another, I am taking NO prisoners.

I need some help!!!!!!!!!

Ok.....Hi to all. As my final project for my Cartography class I have to.........make a map. Of something (as you'll notice I have a strong interest in mapping Japan.....and mapping data that likely don't have ANYTHING to do with nature or wildlife--it's really my last shot to make a non natural resources map). Ok.....so, I have a lot of ideas going through my head and I'm honestly not sure how feasible any of them are right now based on data or my skill/desire to make complicated flow line maps (which most of these will likely require), but......I have to write a proposal by November 22 so I need to make a decision rather quick-like. And so...........I employ your help, trusted friends around the world. I'll list some options, you guys give me your top 3 choices. Ideally I'll have this completely decided by Friday so I can start thinking about the proposal over the weekend (so it can ruin my fun in Minnesota.......stupid grad school). I'll keep checking on the data feasibility for the rest of the week while you guys are sending me your votes, so hopefully I can eliminate any maps that I think might not work. So, without further ado...........Choices for Sari's final project in "make pretty maps":

1. Railway map of Japan showing density/flow of rail traffic (ideally which lines are more popular than other lines)
2. Japanese imports/exports to other countries (varying both amount and categorical type)
3. Traffic at all the airports in Japan to show which is most popular (Narita) and where people are flying to Japan from.
4. (Change of theme) Areas of support for implementation of a light rail system in Madison.
5. Areas of support for building a new baseball stadium in Minneapolis/St. Paul metro area.
6. Map of the nature preserve whose name I never remember but Hagen knows in Japan (somehow tying this in to surrounding area--Bri had a really good idea but I didn't write it down so I don't remember anymore).


Ok.......that's what I got. Let the voting begin!! I need your help, I trust you people with this stuff!!!!!!!!!!

Hugs and kisses,
Sari

Today

Today I resolve to get a whole crap load of work done. I will actually be productive and not waste valuable work time on silly MSPAINT drawings for the blog or by shopping on eBay.



In other news, I am notoriously bad at staying on task.


muhuhuhahahahaaaa!!!

ok yay! I did it!

no, WE did it~! I would like to thank the academy, jess, sari, and MISS panda for making this happen... I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you... thank you for all your support... You love me! You REALLY love me!

eh... teehee!

Joey 

Panda...I know you got one more in ya...

Ok, so I won't be joining you as I'm going to Milwaukee then Chicago to hopefully bring back awesome goodies this weekend, but those of you in Madison that are so inclined should take advantage of an opportunity for a little cosplay for a free drink. By this I mean, State Street Brats (the haven of evil against all who cosplay) is doing an Adult Swim/Boondocks thing from I want to say either 9-11 or 11-1 (there are flyers ALL OVER state street) and in very smallish print on the bottom of the flyers it mentions...."come dressed as your favorite AS character to get a free drink." So....there you have it ladies and gentlemen.....cosplay AND a free drink. Hell....I'd cosplay if I WASN'T getting a free drink. Might be time to bring out the Lelah costume again and Steph, well.....I know you can find SOMETHING!!! I only wish I could be there!!!!


Also....BOO to not getting EVA!! Now I'll NEVER see it. *pouty face*

Ok....off to dinner with random person I met on the internet. It was a momentary lapse in sanity involving Edo Buffet. I think it will be ok, but just so you know where I am if you need to rescue me or anything. I'm going to Edo, I hope to be home by 7:30 to finish this map. Freak out if you haven't heard from me by 8 or 9.

wasting more time

at last, the product of an hour and a half at work:



mod green dress, featured here w/ my new black shiny vinyl go-go boots.


it's really hard to make things look shiny and/or sparkly in mspaint . . .




Orange Tina Turner impersonator's back-up singer's dress

gold dress

COFFEECOFFEEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEE. . .

I'm bored as hell. I've been at work for an hour and a half already--an hour and a half that I've effectively wasted by checking my email and reading NY Times articles and checking up on my eBay auctions. And now I have nothing left to do but work . . . or post on the blog hehe.

Luckily I have tomorrow off, so I can treat today like a friday and leave early. I think tomorrow I'll go back to LA; I went shopping at Wacko and left a bag of vintage clothing I purchased from the dollar rack of Ozzie Dots next door. Ugh . . . such a long drive, but since I have to go there anyways, I might as well check out some of the vintage stores I didn't hit last week. lol, oh darn!

Man you guys, I wish you all could come out here and go vintage shopping with me. There's just SOOO much cool stuff to be found. I don't know how I'm gonna bring home all the amazingly cute clothes I've bought over the past 2 years; i may just have to mail it home. Of course, I'd prefer to come home and just bring some of it with me, but plane tickets have gotten really expensive, esp. now bcz it's holiday season. Maybe my family will chip in if I ask nicely. However, if I do come home for Thanksgiving, I probably won't have a chance to see you guys bcz I'll only be home for a few days. I'm still planning on coming home around December 17th tho . . . but as for what i'm doing (whether i should quit my job and come home, or stay till andy finishes) it's still uncertain.

This morning none of my alarm clocks went off and i slept in till 8:55, my usual work-departure time. I'm so bad!

well, hopefully none of you are too busy to post or comment today so I'll be able to waste more work time reading the blog.

i've had way too much coffee in the past 24 hrs . . . it's gonna be a long day.

"Don't hate me cuz i'm delinquent"

Here begins the tale of the long lost cd.

So in January, I heard a song by Jesca Hoop featured on NPR and really really liked it, so I went to the website and purchased one of her demo cds.

About 3 weeks later I go to see her in concert, and before she comes on, Andy and I detect the smell of something illegal wafting in from behind the stage . . . it's hard to be sure, but since we both smelled it . . . . Anyways she comes out on stage, dancing and singing, animated yet mellow, and fucking ROCKS the house. I consider buying a demo at the merch table, but decide not to bcz my cd should be on its way.

A month later and no sign of the cd, I send her an email to which she replies "There have been a few changes in my "Team" dynamics that have decreased my organization and increased my workload...And so I have fallen behind....I am getting caught up with this new found task (a.k.a shipping)and you will recieve your cd very soon."

So I waits . . . and waits. . . until May, when I email her again politely asking if she's sent my cd yet. She says "I am so close I will be all caught up at the ed of this week and you will have you long lost cd.please dont hate me cuz I'm deliquent"

The summer months come and go with no sign of the cd. I email her once again in early October, polite as ever, basically saying that i'm moving soon and it's really the last chance to get this cd to me. She says "jturnerit is good to hear from you.I am sorry that your cd never did arrive. Lets try againI see that I sent you an email letting you know there was a problem. I dont seem have your address in my file . Will you please send it again I will have it out a.s.a.p.thanx jhoop"

Hooray! Some progress! So I send her my address and wait . . . but no sign of the cd. Two weeks ago I try again with the email saying, "I'm moving near the end of the month! Here's my address again" all the while thinking "GAHHH!!! GIVE ME THE GODDAMN CD ALREADY!!!!"

and then, yesterday arrives, and with it a few packages. I went on an eBay buying spree and was expecting a couple other cds, but much to my surprise it was the long-awaited Jesca Hoop demo!!!! 11 months and 5 emails later, i FINALLY HAVE MY CD!!!

The moral of the story is,

Jesca Hoop is constantly stoned.

What, don't believe me?? Go here and see for yourself

I have a new hero, and she is stoned.

now THIS is the cutest purse EVER

Haha, I got home and realized my "cutest purse EVER" looks more like this:

A thing that I bought

I like to call it "The cutest purse EVER"

see figure 1.

I love you, Pasadena Flea Market.

it's a little dated, but . . .

I was planning on writing an essay abt this cartoon, but it came out last week and the death toll of soldiers is already past 2000, and since it'll take me longer than a week to write an intelligent essay when I have no pressing deadlines I thought I'd go ahead and post the cartoon anyway and glean your thoughts on it.



Make sure you read the comments . . . very interesting.

Hours and hours of entertainment.

Go ahead! Try it! You can keep pressing "Submit" till you get an answer you like. Here are some good ones:

Your Superhero Profile

Your Superhero Name is The Dark Brain Your Superpower is Technology Your Weakness is 80s Music Your Weapon is Your Nuclear Hammer Your Mode of Transportation is Teleporter

What's your Superhero Name?

Your Superhero Profile

Your Superhero Name is The Comet Spider Your Superpower is Witchcraft Your Weakness is Ants Your Weapon is Your Vibro Sword Your Mode of Transportation is Pogo Stick

What's your Superhero Name?

Your Superhero Profile

Your Superhero Name is The Magna Monkey Your Superpower is Willpower Your Weakness is Bacteria Your Weapon is Your Atomic Rocket Your Mode of Transportation is Kite

What's your Superhero Name?

Your Superhero Profile

Your Superhero Name is The Jet Nimbus Your Superpower is Artificial Intelligence Your Weakness is Ants Your Weapon is Your Vibro Bazooka Your Mode of Transportation is Unicorn

What's your Superhero Name?

Now, where'd I put that vibro sword . . .

Just wanted to say.....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BITO!!!!!

Hey Brian!!

You wouldn't happen to be coming up to Seoul this Saturday, would you?

It's my friends birthday and I'm throwing a party for her... and we will be going to a hotel for drinks and then a club afterwards... It would be a good chance for u to meet some people... many of whom are in the same line of work as you...

haven't met anyone who teaches in Yeojoo yet though...

Lemme know!