just some advice, please.

So... I don't mean to put a damper on things... but i just need some insight... as what happened is a first for me and i don't really have any precendent with which to compare or to rely on...

On Friday morning, our office intern committed suicide and died... and i went to pay respects friday night with some other people from the office... now, i only knew her for a month but she was my age and could speak english...and working with people ur age five days a week, tends to make you close... so over the weekend, i did a lot of crying and a lot of thinking about her and a LOT of praying...

and at church on sunday, i did more praying and more crying, and the whole congregation did a group prayer for her (she went to my church, onnuri english ministry) and the pastor said he would go and visit the family...

anyway, sunday night i thought i was kind of starting to feel like i could get over this huge tragedy... i mean, i know that God took her for a reason and she is now in a way better place... but now it's monday morning and i'm back at work, and she's not, and i just don't know what to feel or how to feel. i mean, i know that life goes on and work goes on and that right now, i just have to continue doing my job... but my question is... have any of you ever lost a peer? i mean, it doesn't have to be a co-worker... just a friend... because that's what she was, or that's what she would have been if i only had a chance to know her for longer... but if this has happened to you, what did you do to deal with it and how long did it take you before you could move on...

the only other person i've known that has died before was my grandmother... but she was sick with cancer for a long time... which helped give me some perspective when she finally went to heaven...

anyway, this is the first time a peer (she was actually a year younger than me) has died, and i don't really know how to handle it.

so if any of you know how i feel, could u give me some advice from your experience. thank you.

Another shot at Friendship

I responded to her last email by saying that I needed some time and space to cope with the disappointment. I truly believe that she did not mean to hurt my feelings. She is just a dits. Plus, I am tired of feeling upset and disappointed. Life is too short for that kind of thing, so just forgive and forget.

I am thinking about emailing her about meeting me at the gym to talk things out. The gym can no longer be a place of ill-feelings and anger. It cannot be a tainted place. After all, it is my sanctuary from daily life. Should I reach out to her? Or not?

Very Disappointing

This morning I got an email from Laura. She apologized for Saturday night, but it is so too late . I mean, what the heck? All of last week she wanted go out. She went as far as giving me detailed directions to her house on Friday afternoon and then what does she do? After emailing me, she heads up to Appleton, Wisconsin that very night for the weekend to hangout with her bro. Now, granted she warned me she might go up North, but the key word here is MIGHT.

I do realize that family comes first, but the way she went about doing it is just mean and rude. Why did she email me directions to her house and then hours later take a trip up to Appleton? Does she want me camp out on her front yard in sub-zero temperatures, until she gets back? And how come she could not call or email me? What there are no phones and computers in Appleton? Why wait 48 hours later to inform me of her trip? Where is the consideration? What kind of a person would that?

And then, she has nerve to end this morning's email by asking me if I was going to the gym tonight. What an inconsiderate.............ahhhhhhhhhhhh. After all she did to me, how could she think that I would want to work out with her? I mean seriously, why don't I just bend over and take it up the a-hole with a 2 x 4. I mean come on, where was she raise? In a barn? Here is the email she sent me.

Hey John,

Sorry for being super shady this weekend. I went up on Friday to Appleton to hang out with my brother and didn’t come home till Sunday. I will be at the gym tonight. See you there?

Cheney Got A Gun.

This is the funniest music/video ever. Check it out.

http://www.bobrivers.com/audiovault/downloads/cheneyvid.asp

Enjoy,
Tom

For two rad peoples

It reads: Red Panda will com-prom-miss your computer.

seriously the strangest things happen to me

So, just about every year I have one very random and ridiculous thing happen to me. I’m not sure why this happens, but it’s pretty regular. There seems to be something about me that just attracts odd occurrences. On to the story.

Sunday mornings I play in a community-rec basketball league. Most of the people on the team are college aged early to mid 20’s. So, Saturday one of the kids on my team was in my town and heading back to his apartment near where we play (the gym is about 35 or 40 minutes from my house), and offered to let me crash at his place. This didn’t seem like a bad idea. I would get to sleep a little later and actually hang out with some people. In fact I even brought my PS2, fighting games, FIFA, and Guitar Hero along. Two other guys from our team came over, they drank, we played games it was good fun. FIFA was the preferred game, and I was the undisputed king of both 2-D Fighting and Guitar Hero.

It was during the FIFA playing that things started to go awry (in retrospect, at the time I thought nothing of it). We worked the FIFA playing in pairs and switching off at halftime. So in the third game of our best of three match-up I scored the winning goal in stoppage time. This prompted a, slightly to fairly drunken kid on my time who I was staying with, to hug me and exclaim, “I like Brian!” Now at the time I attributed to the aforementioned drunkenness of the kid, and also his relatively rudimentary skills in spoken English. Shortly after this the other two kids left, we played a couple more songs of Guitar Hero and got ready to hit it.

Now he had the standard tiny ass one room apartment. So, there was no bed, no couch, and only one set of bedding for the floor. Not wanting to freeze and not really caring because it was a guy I shared the roughly double bed sized “futon” and blanket with the kid. A little bit into my attempting to sleep I had a hand flop onto my shoulder, I was facing away from the kid, but I shrugged it off and figured he was just a tosser/the drunk sleep made him restless. A few minutes later the hand flopped again, I again shrugged it off and scooted away a bit. Everything seemed to be settled at this point and I was just drifting away when suddenly I felt the hand again. This time it felt like a little more than a flop. Sure enough seconds later there was definite wrapping around action, and the hand started to move down. Before I get onto my reaction I should note that atleast a few times throughout the course of the evening I had mentioned the fact that I had a girlfriend. Why that was not respected/processed I will never know. So, right about the point the hand made a definitive move I pretty much jumped straight up to standing and was like no, nuh-uh, and I packed up my belongs. The kid mumbled an apology and I did say thanks for playing video games with me, and I left the apartment. It might have been safe at that point to try and remain for the rest of the night, but I wasn’t going to have it.

At this point it’s 2am, and I only have the vaguest ideas of where I am. Also, because I’m a girl, I’m getting a little teary eyed do to the fact that I thought I had finally made a friend my age, and then all he wanted to do was grope me. Admittedly there were also teary eyed thoughts of just wanting to be with SK and have her give me a hug. Anyhow, about twenty minutes later I found a 24 hour public bathhouse. I paid the $5, and found a corner in the common room. There I proceeded to curl up clutching my things and tried to dozen on the hardwood floor. I got a little sleep, but as it was uncomfortable, and I constantly startled awake to protect my things it was largely ineffective. In the morning I got a cab, and tried to get to the gym. However, I wasn’t completely clear as to where I had wandered to, and I can’t give directions in Korean, this was a failure. So, I just took a bus home and skipped the game.

There you have it. My first tale in Korea of a non-annoying student trying to grab me, and doing so in a definitely coming on to me way. Why these things always happen to me I don’t know, but I really wish it would stop.

bday pics ^^

just wanted to tell you guys that pics from my bday are up on my blog...

if u wanna see... go to
www.cyworld.com/gumbybutt

and then click on the "photo" tab on the right hand side... then click on the "24 years old~~ eeks" folder on the left side ^^

This bites

The streak continues with the ladies. I am not sure what I did wrong on Saturday. In my last post, I mentioned how I asked out Laura, a girl from the gym for drinks. Now, maybe I misterupted the word "yes" but I swear it means some kind of an agreement. The way she said it blew way because she said with such excitment. She even gave me detailed directions of how to get to her house.

What is more disturbing is the fact that we are friends. It seems to me she treated the situation poorly, like I am some kind of stranger. Seriously, strangers do not acknowledge one another's presence at the gym, nor do they work out together for two hours. Also, we have exchanged over 10 emails in the past two weeks.

I called her up twice on Saturday to confirm that we are still going out and not once did I get to talk to her. She did not even bother to call me back with some kind of lame excuse. Now, I can take rejection. I am big boy. I can take it. Rejection is nothing new to me, but to trick me into thinking that a friendship existed is just wrong. She made me feel like a fool.

I went all out in trying to impress this girl. I even borrowed a certain jacket that I help developed for a fortune 500 company that has a retail value of over $700 for her to play around with. She would have been one of the first consumers in the market to play with this thing, considering it just came out in Christmas and the fact that it cost so much. Believe me, I went through a lot of grief and teasing from my co-workers just to get that jacket for Saturday night.

I also managed to get my hands on another device, which I cannot speak much of since it is not even out on the market yet for her play with. She would of definitely been the first consumer ever to play with this thing. I put a lot of effort into impressing this girl, but is all for not. The worse part is tonight I will most likely see her at the gym and I am not sure how I will react. Am I going to bitch her out? Or will I be understanding and forgiving? As of right now, I am just severly disappointed in her because friends do not treat each like this, leaving them high and dry.

"I did nothing. I did absolutely nothing, and it was everything I thought it could be"

aaaahhhhhhhh. I've had the best month of doing nothing EVER.

Went to Lucha Vavoom for valentines w/ my Yonsei friends,

Andy gave his thesis defense on Monday w/ no hitches whatsoever,

went in to tell my replacement about some of the work i did,

and other than that, I decided to live the Office Space dream: "I'd relax, I would sit on my ass all day, I would do nothing."

and it's been so great.

So I realized, hell, I've got till the end of the month to live here . . . why not take my time w/ the packing, go do all the touristy L.A. stuff I've always wanted to do, and just sit on my ass and do nothing?

So yeah, packing is a slow, easy process and mainly gets done during the commercial breaks of Law and Order and, as in yesterdays case, the Americas Next Top Model marathon. Damn you, Yoanna! I wanted Mercedes to win!!! She had lupus, and she walked better!!! Go Mercedes!!!

*composes self*

so yeah . . . I'm not 100% sure of when we're coming home, but we have to leave by the 28th, sooo yeah. I should probably plan out our trip back or something . . . .

Must not screw up

It has been awhile, since I made my last post. After my mild breakdown, I needed a change. The change did not come in the form of a new job, but the how I live everyday. I needed to take more chances with my social life, so instead of sitting on the sidelines every night at the gym, get up and talk to these girls. Of course, I have standards. All these girls must be of age because I am not going to Federal-Pound-Me-in-the-Ass prison and no moms.

After a weeks of scouting around, I finally found the one. On a Sunday night during the Super Bowl, a tall skinny almost goddess like figure appeared on the ab machine. As luck have it, I went to high school with her. I went up her and ask if I could work in with her. When I finished my set, I am like YOU LOOK FAMILIAR. It was one of those things where we kinda did not know each others' names or was not sure, but after a couple more run-ins and a two-hour workout session together, she and I are going out for a drink.

I must not screw this one up. The rumor has it that she was once a teen model. If I succeeded in getting a date with this girl, it will be my single greatest accomplishment. In all seriousness, I really like this girl. She is easy talk to and fun to be around.

HAPPY JO'S BIRTHDAY DAY EVERYBODY!!!

today is the day we celebrate our love---

for jo.

Happy Jo's Birthday Day.

new background

Chinatown parade itself wasn't all that great, but I still had a blast. We hassled McGruff the Crime-fighting Dog for having bloodshot eyes and for wearing a trenchcoat. And there was a guy in a really dirty looking panda suit riding a bicycle. Unfortunately my camera phone was being retarded so by the time i got it working, dirty panda on a bike was gone.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEE!!!

and for my birthday an exclusive:


[Pic removed. Too bad, you missed it. Guess you should've looked while it was still my birthday :P ]


Andy dancing lewdly and singing into his deodorant.


For one day only--download and print it while u still can.



For my birthday I'm going to Chinatown to see the new years festivities! Woohoo! So excited.

Thundercats

Anyone of you guys watch Thundercats when you guys were young? I am curious whether or not Cheetara and Panthro dated each other. I will have to rent it and find out this weekend. Of course, the person at the checkout counter will probably look at me in a weird way. I will just say that it's for the kids.

Tom

A little sunshine

Ok, I just gotta say. Every time I open the blog and see that picture of Kotani Kinya.....it makes me feel good all over. Like rainbows or unicorns or flowers. Jess...thanks for making every day just a little brighter.

Happy Birthday, Jess!!!!

So I'm going skiing this weekend, so I won't be able to post on your actual birthday (korean time) ... so I'm posting now!!! I miss u soooooo much!!! wahh!!!
anyway, i want you to email me the address you will be at for the next couple months or so, so i can send you some awesome korean SHTUFF!!!

love you and i hope you have the best day ever!

mwahz, jo

I SPILLED BEER ALL OVER THE HOTT DUTCH GUY!!!

. . . so ashamed . . .

But more importantly,


I HAD THE BEST VACATION EVER!!!!! WOOOHOOOO!!!!

details and pics to come.

The way it works

Ok....so. I appreciate that I have friends who care about me. I really do. Some things people should know.

1. I'm not "hermiting" if you will because I'm in any way sad, mad, angry, or otherwise. In fact, I am very happy. There are just some things that I need to think through. And I don't feel much like social interaction. So........no need to worry, I'm as happy as ever. Maybe moreso. I'm sure this will all come to an end soon when I realize I'm bored of my house. It's just how I go.

2. Telling me you miss me, etc is very very sweet. However, if I'm not in the mood to see people this will only serve to annoy me more. This is just how it is. When things are like this....it's best to just leave it alone. I'll get in touch with you when I'm ready for it.

3. Please don't think I in any way dislike you or am directly annoyed by something you did. I'm not. I just need some anti-social for a bit. There's been a lot of social going on lately and I love it......but I'm not used to it and as an only child sometimes I get a little overwhelmed by it. All the hanging out over break coupled with the intense doing of things in the week that Brian was here sort of intensely pushed me over the edge.

4. I have a LOT of anime to watch. Yes, that IS a reason for not leaving the house.

5. Yeah, there are some situations I'm trying to avoid. I know this is wrong. I need to sort out what to do about them in order to fix it. Sometimes things just throw you a curve and you need to sit down, figure it out, then get the balls to man up and say what needs to be said. I'm in a place that I've never had to be before and I know what it's like to be on the other side when things are dealt with incorrectly. Sometimes fate hands you a toughie. I'm sorry.

Ok....that's that. I know what I need to do, so things should be put in order soon. No promises I'll be much more social after their done....I'm enjoying being by myself for a while.