just some advice, please.
So... I don't mean to put a damper on things... but i just need some insight... as what happened is a first for me and i don't really have any precendent with which to compare or to rely on...
On Friday morning, our office intern committed suicide and died... and i went to pay respects friday night with some other people from the office... now, i only knew her for a month but she was my age and could speak english...and working with people ur age five days a week, tends to make you close... so over the weekend, i did a lot of crying and a lot of thinking about her and a LOT of praying...
and at church on sunday, i did more praying and more crying, and the whole congregation did a group prayer for her (she went to my church, onnuri english ministry) and the pastor said he would go and visit the family...
anyway, sunday night i thought i was kind of starting to feel like i could get over this huge tragedy... i mean, i know that God took her for a reason and she is now in a way better place... but now it's monday morning and i'm back at work, and she's not, and i just don't know what to feel or how to feel. i mean, i know that life goes on and work goes on and that right now, i just have to continue doing my job... but my question is... have any of you ever lost a peer? i mean, it doesn't have to be a co-worker... just a friend... because that's what she was, or that's what she would have been if i only had a chance to know her for longer... but if this has happened to you, what did you do to deal with it and how long did it take you before you could move on...
the only other person i've known that has died before was my grandmother... but she was sick with cancer for a long time... which helped give me some perspective when she finally went to heaven...
anyway, this is the first time a peer (she was actually a year younger than me) has died, and i don't really know how to handle it.
so if any of you know how i feel, could u give me some advice from your experience. thank you.
posted by Josephine Lee @ 3:39 PM
8 Comments:
My uncle and grandmoter died couple of years ago. I did not know them really well, since they live in France. I am not sure what to say because nobody who I had a close relationship ever died. In a few years, I am sure I will face it because my dad is not doing well these days. All those years of smoking is finally catching up to him.
I know this may sound bad, but did you know she had problems? Did you guys ever hung out outside of work?
I thought I was having a bad week with my problems, but it is nothing compare to what you are facing. I am sorry, Jo. I will pray for you and your friend. Hang in there Jo.
I'm sorry to hear that Jo.
I'm glad to see from your post that you're not blaming yourself. I lost a friend of mine to suicide during my freshman year and that was the first complex emotion that I had to get over. It took me a long time to get over the loss (a full 2 months before I could even bring myself to delete him from my contact list).
Life does go on, and it will hurt for a while when you go to work and notice her absence. You will probably feel hurt again when a replacement is found.
Now, this advice isn't necessarily something that will make you feel better, but I know it helped me.
I hung on to my friends when I lost Seth. I didn't have that many around here considering I just moved here. But I talked to a lot of people. I also kept a journal to help me flesh out my feelings and help me recognize things going on in my life.
When I had more of a network of friends here, this proved even more useful when Jill and Sarah were taken by a drunk driver. I find peace in understanding my emotions.
Confusion about your emotions and how to deal with the fact that the person is no longer there is normal. Know that we are here for you and care about you.
Take care,
L
thanks for your prayers, guys...
sauce: i really had no idea she had any problems at all... i mean, obviously everyone has problems, but she just seemed so bright and happy all the time.. and she would just easily talk about all of the dreams she had, all of the things she wanted to accomplish... like opening up her own radio station in australia someday... and if she wanted to get into the broadcast industry, getting a job at KBS with us, was a definite phenomenal step...she came here from australia because she wanted to work in korea and after 4 months of interviews she got the job with us.. so things career-wise were going well for her, even if she was an intern, it was her first job... we hung out a couple times after work, having dinner and whatnot, but i never knew... she must have been keeping so much inside... she was always the first one here at work and would always turn on the lights and the tvs... now i'm the first one here, and i can't turn on the lights without feeling her presence, and then her loss, so much...
i'm so sorry jo.
The first person I ever knew well that died was my church small group leader in high school. It was very sudden and unexpected--i had just introduced him to my dad at church the day before. Turned out he had a genetic condition that caused heart failure, and both his brothers died of the same thing within a few months.
It's hard for me to describe exactly how i felt about it at the time, and even now I feel very strange about it, but after the initial shock i immediately felt at peace about it because I believed he was in a better place--that he'd finally gone to the place he'd lived his whole life to reach.
I ran into his wife a few years after he died; she told me she was doing ok; "time makes things easier."
Give it time Jo. You may never know why your coworker did what she did, but keep her in your memory and know she's in a better place.
Gosh, Jo, that's tough...well, everybody's mind works differently, but what helped me when Danielle died was to think about her a lot, and to think of death as something that we just have to accept. If you know that she would have wanted you to be happy, that helps. Thinking happy thoughts about her can keep you from missing her as much - sometimes I would even have hypothetical conversations with Danielle in my head. Thinking a sad thought or two on occasion to trigger a good cry is needed sometimes, too. Most important: feel no guilt, about her leaving or about your moving on. Finally, in all seriousness, you can try morbid humor, if she would have appreciated it. Danielle's sister and I had to pack her things and prepare the memorial display for the wake. We totally raided all of her cute clothes and caramel bars, because, well, "she's certainly not going to eat them". Whatever seems like a good idea, feel okay to do it.
thank you... all of this really helps a lot... *^^*
Hey Jo-
Well, this is the first time I’ve checked the blog in a while, so sorry for the lateness.
I don’t have anyone that I was close to that committed suicide, but there was a friend of mine from high school who committed suicide a couple years ago, and I still remember that as being a “shock to the system.”
Her name was Diana, and it was a blow to me b/c she was a very active and religious Christian. Anytime I saw her she seemed like a very happy bubbly person, all about spreading the Word and evangelizing. She did have some sort of disorder though(I can’t remember the name of it) which had some type of effect on her perception of reality. I really didn’t know much more about her other then that.
I had a lot of trouble digesting Diana’s suicide b/c it just didn’t make sense to me, and because that was during a very pro-Christ time in my life, I had problems understanding my own faith in light of what happened to her.
For me the greatest kind of “healing” took place at her funeral, in which somewhere amidst all the singing and praying and crying I felt like I came to some sort of peace. But I was still wrestling with issues for weeks afterward.
All I can tell you is it takes time, sweetie. It gets easier. An experience like this brings up a lot of questions about life and death in a very personal way, and it takes a while to work though those things. I agree that talking is really important as well, especially with co-workers or friends who are in your same sitation.
That’s all I got, other then a (((HUG))).
thanks steph ^^
Post a Comment
<< Home