Grrr

I don't really want to post the whole story of what happened, but I will give a little more detail so you guys don't have to be left wondering.

After IM conversations and hanging out, etc. I go out to the bars with this guy last night and I was really not doing anything further than I would do hanging out with ANY group of friends. I mean, I can be touchy, but I was even holding back from that. I mean, I was very much hoping something would come out of it, but for once I was being a good girl and listening to Brian and not forcing anything other than friendship. I'm proud of me. So.....he walks me back to my house. I'm not expecting anything to happen, but he comes upstairs with me. I'm STILL not expecting anything to happen. Then (I SWEAR TO GOD I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!!!!!!!) he starts kissing me. Etc. Then we go to sleep. Wake up this morning. He instigates things AGAIN. Then proceeds to freak out. I'm thinking he's freaking out cause it's too soon for stuff and whatever so I'm trying to convince him it's ok. Then he says....."I have this girlfriend thing in Michigan. For like 3 years."

WHAT!!!! THE!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!! Yeah. That's my story. I'll still be his friend if he wants to hang out. However, had he just mentioned this girlfriend thing in the first place I wouldn't have had the hope in the back of my mind that maybe something good would happen to me. I could have accepted that he and I would just be good friends. I would have known that. But now....now I will always have the lingering "what if" in the back of my mind and the wondering what the hell that was all about.

That's my story. Brian and I are getting married. Someday. He's the only boy I've cared about that's never let me down. He's my mainstay. I've realized this through all of that. So....yep. That's how it is.

Hugs!